I have a great knock, knock Joke. You start.
Other person says: Knock Knock
You Say: Who’s there?
.... Long silence ...



Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
You eat what?



I got fired from my job at the bank today. An older lady came in and asked me to check her balance,
so I pushed her over.



I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.



Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest
and lean forward.
That's just how I roll



Q: What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A: A blue bucket painted red.



Q: What are the biggest enemies of a caterpiller?
A: dogerpillers



Q: What is a pig's favorite karate move?
A: A pork chop.



Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey, duck and chicken?
A: Turducken!!!



Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck!



Q: Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.



Q: What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
A: Any one can roast a beef but how many people can pea soup!



Q: Why do Gorillas have big noses?
A: Because they have big fingers!



Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A stick!



Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick!



Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Put him on a leaf and wait for fall!



Q: Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.



Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the first monkey.



Q: Why did the third Monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Peer pressure.



Q: How do you get an elephant out of a lake?
A: Wet!



Q: How do you get two elephants out of a lake?
A: One at a time, duhh!



Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look funny with glove compartments!



Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!



Q: Why did the frog cross the road?
A: Becasue he was stapled to the chicken!



Q: Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked
the other, "Are we poisonous snakes?" The other replied,
"You bet we're poisonous! Why do you ask?"
A: To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue."




Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Whatever you want but he won't come.



Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him he's not going anywhere!



Q: What did the snail say as it rode across the street on the
turtle's back?
A: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!



Q: What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A: Are you my mama!



Q: How do porcupines talk?
A: With spine language.



Q: How do pigs talk?
A: With swine language.



Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had mittens!



Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
A: Rough!! Rough!!



Q: What do you get when you cross a car and a dog?
A: A carpet.



Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.



Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese.



Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.



Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.



Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.



Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka!



Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The location of the dirt bag.



Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, "whack, darn." A bad skydiver goes, "darn, whack."



Q: What do you call skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.



Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.



Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.



Q: What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A: A cat has nine lives, and frogs croak every night.



Q: What did Sonny the Eagle say when he swooped down to pick up the pig?
A: "I got you babe!"



Q: What did one lightning bug say to the other?
A: "You GLOW girl!"



Q: What dog can jump higher than a building?
A: Any dog, a building can't jump, duh!



Q: What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
A: You can't tuna fish.



Q: What did the pig say when he was in the sun too long?
A: I'm bacon!



Q: What do you get when you cross an elphant and a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia.



Q: What do you call a pig that got fired from his job?
A: Canned ham.



Q: I spilled spot remover on my dog.
A: He's gone now. (Hint: Dogs name was Spot)



Q: Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
A: It's always butting in.



Q: What do you give a snake with allergies?
A: Antihisssssstamines



Q: What has four legs and can see equally well out of both ends?
A: A blind horse.



Q: Why was the elephant first in the pool?
A: He already had his trunks on.



Q: What's a frog's favorite drink?
A: Croke-a-cola



Q: What do you call a fly without wings?
A: A walk.



Q: What goes oom oom?
A: A cow walking bacwards.



Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh!



Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: So that they can stomp out forest fires.



Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: So they can put out flaming ducks.



Q: What do you say to a crying whale?
A: Quit your blubbering.



Q: What do you get when you cross a Pig with a Parrot?
A: A bird that hogs the conversation.



Q: When is car not a car?
A: When it turns into a driveway.



Q: What kind of a monkey goes into a grill?
A: Gorilla.



Q: Where did the cow take it's date?
A: The moovies.



Q: What is the movie about pirates rated?
A: RRRRRRRRR!



Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.



Q: Why did the elephant paint his toes white?
A: So he could hide in a bag a marshmallows.



Q: Why did the elphant paint the bottom of his feet yellow?
A: So he could hide upside down in a bowl of custurd!



Q: Wanna hear a joke about a skunk?
A: Never mind...it stinks!



Q: What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad sandals!



Q: What do get when you cross a pear and a carrot?
A: A parrot.



Q: What is the difference between a flea and a dog?
A: A dog can have fleas but a flea can't have dogs.



Q: Did you hear the one about the giraffe?
A: Never mind its way over your head!



Q: What is the loudest sound in the forest?
A: A giraffe eating grapes!



Q: Why is a giraffe's head so far away from its body?
A: Because it's got a long neck!



Q: Do you know where steel wool comes from?
A: Robot sheep!



Q: What do they call the man who cuts the lion's hair?
A: The mane man.



Q: What kind of cat you should not play sports with?
A: A cheetah!



Q: Why did the horse go over the hill?
A: Because he couldn't go under the hill!



Q: Why do birds fly south in winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk.



Q: A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender.
"I'd like a .............. drink."
A: To which the bartender responds, "Why the long paws."



Q: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says.
A: "Why the long face?"



Q: What did the duck say when he heard a funny joke?
A: You quack me up!



Q: What do you call a cow that eats grass?
A: A lawn mooer.



Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Take away its credit card.



Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot??
A: ...a carrot (ouch)



Q: Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A: It was chicken.



Q: Why does the seagull fly over the sea and not the bay?
A: Because then he would be called a Baygull! Or spelled "bagel."